Strong Emotions

Working with Strong Emotions

Emotions are our guidance system, but generally we have not been thought how to work with them, what to do with them and how to move through them.  Instead, the general teaching has been – that they are not to be shown, they are to be stuffed down and only the happy ones are good. Sometimes we can’t show too much of those either because it annoys the heck out of those around us. What to do?

Well, just like stuffing all your dirty laundry into a bag pretending it isn’t there creates its own problems, stuffing down emotions or not allowing yourself to express them creates its own problems.  From a basic perspective, emotions that are stuffed down, can compress into physical ailments over time. Emotions like anger, can result in complications of the liver, heart and migraines to name a few, sadness and grief are stored in the lungs and so on.

A bit on my own personal experience

For most of my adult life I was generally conscious of health, more-so in the thirties, versus in my twenties where I just took it for granted. I hiked and ran on a regular basis, did juice cleanses, some intermittent fasting and so on.  I became a yoga instructor, meditated on a regular basis, taught PiYo and more.  I also had not drank any alcohol in over 10 years, so generally healthy lifestyle.  My three main issues that had a domino effect on my health: Unresolved emotions including anger, resentment and grief; Stress – which propelled these things to the forefront; Lack of Sunlight – from working too much indoors too much of the time; Feeling Physically Stuck – in a location that no longer served me, partially due to my bad habits of working too much.

Crises come into our lives for many reasons – sometimes we ask for them, even if we are not consciously aware of the asking.  They come to give us a Grand opportunity to change everything all at once.  Personally, I can’t say that I recommend it, but I am glad of the changes I was forced to make.  I did things that I felt were impossible over years in weeks becuase I had to and I had no external obligations once you are given a two to six month life expectancy.  That was well over a year ago.

Back to Emotions and Stress

Us humans – we don’t do stress right or emotions.  They are two different things, but I am covering both just to touch on the topic as there is some interrelation. I had been interested in emotions long before this happened, but I didn’t know what to do with them or how to release them.  Unaware of the impact of stress on my body, and generally didn’t even realize that I was stressed – “I’m not stressed I’m just really busy.” Stress has its role and it’s meant to be a short and complete cycle each time it is triggered.  The problem is that we go into stress and stay in it having triggered the fight or flight response, sometimes keeping it active for weeks, months and years at a time.   Animals in the wild if they are chased by a predator will run and if they escape, once they get to a ‘safe place’ will shake the incident off their body – literally they will shake themselves and will then resume normal activity.  With stress, each time it is triggered we are meant to complete the stress cycle in a short period of time and then move on from it.  With emotions, each time we are aware of them we are supposed to feel them and let them flow through us and out.

Completing a Stress Cycle

First we have to recognize and acknowledge the specific item that is causing Stress in the body.  Note stress activates the sympathetic nervous system, readying the body for brief emergency activity, when the sympathetic response declines, the adrenal cortex secretes cortisol and other hormones that enable the body to maintain prolonged alertness, fight infections, and heal wounds, when this period is prolonged, the individual becomes weakened, immune response is low and you are vulnerable.  We get stressed for all the wrong reasons – a term paper or presentation or workload is not a life or death scenario, yet we are continually stimulating our body as if it was.  So what we need to do is to consciously complete this cycle so that our parasympathetic nervous system is activated – ie it enables us to rest and digest. It undoes the work of sympathetic division after a stressful situation.

1. Do an activity – go for a run, work out, do yoga, etc.
2. Get creative and make something.
3. Find something to laugh at and have some good belly laughs
4. Allow yourself a good cry, let your body shake.
5. Extended physical touch – like a 1 minute deep hug,
6. Long deep breathing with longer exhales than inhales and start with a long exhale first.

All of these items will help you complete the cycle and reset your system.  Note, meditation could be done after one of the above, but first you have to end the stress state.

Releasing Strong Emotions

First we have to realize that we are not our emotions – we feel them but we are not them, otherwise they can carry us away.  We are like the ocean as just as the wind shapes the sea our emotions shape us. Just like the wind is not the sea, we are not our emotions, they just shape us and when then are gone, we return to this neutral state. Next – we have to understand, that it is not always appropriate for us to respond by expressing our emotions.  Getting angry at our boss, will probably cause more problems than it resolves.  So we have to acknowledge the emotion to ourselves – I am experiencing anger, or I am experiencing a lot of anger over this situation – versus, “I am angry.”  The difference may seem subtle and idiotic, particularly if you are experiencing anger when you read this, however, whatever you put after “I am” you become.

Back to the problem at hand.  We can use the above scenario.  First identifying the emotion – experiencing anger, next identifying what exactly about the scenario is triggering the anger, next drilling it down to specifically why you are angry – and that involves a lot of because questions.  It would work like this. I am experiencing anger at my boss because – I didn’t get a raise. That is making me feel angry because – I need the money. I need the money because – we are expecting another child and our expenses are going up.  That is making me – feel worried because I might not be able to pay the mortgage. That is making me afraid that I won’t be able to provide for my family. In this example, anger was just a cover for fear and that’s ok.  This will allow us to look at the actual problem in this instance, fear around being able to provide and that is what actually needs to be addressed.

Are You Interested in Moving Through Stuck Emotions?

Contact me.  I would love to work with you and help you move through whatever you need to. Set up a consult call at https://ailish.com/booking and we will take if from there.  Be Well!