This Human Experience

“I can’t stand toxic positivity” 

My 12 year old’s words to me while driving in the car on the way to school.

Sometimes it feels like I am caught in a giant dough kneader.  I don’t want to say “sometimes you can’t win” because it’s not about winning and losing, but in some situations you just have to hold a position that can feel really really uncomfortable.

Growth is darned uncomfortable, at least certain stages of it are.  That’s the part where I feel like I am in the giant dough kneader.

Then you are taken out of the bowl and ‘left to rise in a warm and comfortable environment for a while’ – that’s the nice part, life is good and you feel like you are cruising.

What happens next? The dough gets punched down,  you get punched down, left to rise again feeling nice, then you get punched down for a second rise.

I don’t know if there is an incident free life, I’ve not met one.  There are some people that handle themselves and situations very well.  I will do my best to become one of them.

I have to take some hits sometimes, especially when I am responsible for partaking in someone else’s growth – that’s the tough one I think or one of them. That’s the one that kept me up at night, all the rest I sleep through easily.

Our souls come to earth to expand their consciousness.  Consciousness is awareness.  Awareness is being in tune with our body, our thoughts, our actions and being aware of what we are creating and perceiving.  Our bodies are the emotional processor of thought.  When I can I take the opportunity to process and release these big emotions – so they don’t become stuck.

Emotions are that – energy in motion.  An analogy I often use is that we are the ship on the ocean and our emotions are the weather, life is the sea.  Sometimes when the weather gets whipped up, we get tossed around and think we are the storm but we are not the storm, we are just the boat, our emotions are the storms.

There is no way around it, just through it, that’s how we learn.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought when I’m processing a lot of emotions – now I know why people drink or I really understand why people smoke – I understand why people go to these to process emotions.  No judgment, just understanding.

We don’t come with a life guidance book either, or a parenting one for that matter.  I’d be a really good parent to me, because I know exactly what I need.  I do my best to move to joy and gratitude in between and during these growth spurts.  

More and more these times I stay connected to my soul as I am going through it and I feel it’s expansion even through all the processes.  I don’t abandon myself anymore and I take ownership of all of the feelings. Through my soul and my inner connection I connect with my higher self and give myself compassion first and then for everyone else in the situation – not perfectly but determinedly.

Too often I feel the double edge sword action of life, which makes sense as the law of one states that we are all one on some level.  So I work to expand the size of the bowl so I can have more understanding, more consciousness and more compassion.

Thank God that we don’t have to go anywhere to find God just to pause and go inside – Divinity exists within each and everyone of us.  So in the dark at night lying in bed when all are asleep I can have the deepest conversation and ask for the greatest understanding and help along the way.  I go direct these days, no middle men or women.  

So what is this human experience?  Is it the experience of these emotions as our soul expands?  Is it the participation, observation and experience of what we create?  Then how do we become more conscious? Awareness can be painful, there is beauty in it though.  

Is there growth without pain? Perhaps it’s possible if we do not have expectations.  Pain is born from expectations and we are sold expectations from the day we are born, and as we grow we also buy them and become purveyors of expectations.

That’s why positivity can be toxic.

Here is my other understanding though, we are always creating, it’s both a blessing and a curse.  Becoming more conscious and more aware can help us put more of our consciousness into our creations.  I don’t advertise my pain actually most people don’t I think, it’s a hidden part of our human experience.  Every now and then we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and discover the strength and expansion in the weakest point.


If all else fails, turn to love for more compassion and go to joy and gratitude for the problem solvers that they are and then go deep inside for the answers.

If you are interested in finding out more about your soul – there is a quiz here – that has some perspectives you may not be aware of https://ailish.com/how-much-do-you-know-about-your-soul/

And if you are looking to get more in tune with your body – I have this program that you can join round one in – doors close on April 3rd. Find it here – https://ailish.com/best-u

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