Stages of Relationship
With Valentines Day being earlier this week, I’d imagine this is why the topic came to mind for today. Many relationships seem to flow like this
💘- Interest Peaked 😅
💃 Projection “You are perfect for me”
💘- Intoxication 😍 – I can’t stop thinking about you – like you are really really taking up A LOT of my head space, I want to spend my whole life with you, racing repetitive or incessant thoughts.
Everything feels better when you are around, people are friendlier, colors are brighter, I feel more alive, things feel timeless
😍 – I love you so much I cannot be without you, I can’t remember when I did not know you, you fill my life you complete me
😁- Possibly Committed Long term Agreement
😳 – Now the real work begins, when all the subconscious stuff now feels safe enough to show up so that it can be worked on and worked through… curious on your thoughts on this if you are brave enough to comment below. This is the ‘work’ of relationship.
Many people come to me at all stages of this pathway above. The first and most challenging one to pass through is the what I will call intoxication stage, with all those chemicals going on in the body it is hard to see clearly.
I have found about 2-3 months in, if you can wait on most drastic actions you will discover a lot about your partner. if you step back and are willing to see. The “you are perfect”🂡 card is a mind trap as it causes people to take a polaroid snapshot, instead of keeping their eye on a moving frame, if you can step back long enough you will see everything that you need. Otherwise, who is this person I am going out with cracks start to surface as more aspects of the persona start to show.
The real work begins at some point after commitment and marriage 
. Here the challenge will be to think you can change someone else, that is very hard, if not impossible without their agreement. If I could bank $10 for every time I have heard someone complain how their partner has not changed I’d have at least 1000, I like to use real numbers. This is also the time when the idea that “you have changed” enters the picture – you are not the same person I married type of thoughts
But if you choose well in the first few steps you can allow change for yourself to a point where change unfolds for everyone.
There is always something you can do even if you think there is nothing you can do or you have tried everything, all it takes is a willingness to show up for yourself and then the right tools, which I can help you with.
You see you choose the perfect person to learn from and with, you really did. Now it’s just a matter of processing what you need to, to get the best out of that relationship and life.I can help with that.
Ailish